Lately I've been thinking a lot about nature and seasonality. I have a life expectancy of about 86 years (Source: just trust me bro). 86 years means approximately: 86 winters, 86 springs, 86 summers, and 86 autumns. Framing it like this adds a bit of texture.

I'm just coming onto the 24th winter of my lifetime. I'm not fond of the winters usually, but for some reason, I've been pretty excited about this one. I shaved my head yesterday and discovered how much labour my hair has been doing for me. To my surprise, my mom wasn't disappointed in my new haircut, but she did suggest that I wear a hat when I go outside. I understand her concern, but I'm also scared of disrespecting my barber's artwork. Tricky.

The winter is cold, dark, and often lonely. I'm not sure if I can say that I've had a favourite winter out of the last 23. None of them feel memorable. But for some reason, I feel particularly hopeful about this upcoming one.

I've been thinking about what it means to be in winter. All of autumn is spent shedding away the old. The leaves begin changing colours, and having served their purpose, begin flooding lawns, sidewalks, and streets alike. The days begin to grow noticeably shorter. Restaurant, cafe, and store owners all begin retrieving their outdoor setups and reeling them in. People begin asking questions about winter tires. Mornings develop that crispy air to them. The world around you starts retreating, and pulling into itself. Winters are harsh on the skin.

I'm hopeful about this winter because I've come to the realization that I need the winter to evolve. It's a natural cycle. The winter is a purge. A cleansing of life that has served its purpose and should be laid to rest, so that something new can take its place. It's a season to regulate, reset, and recover.

I can't say I've viewed the last 23 winters of my life like this. I find it pretty funny that it has taken me about 23 winters to realize that it's not an issue that winters are cold and isolating (something, something, conditions particularly amplified in the Northern Hemisphere). I'm beginning to learn that maybe I haven't properly utilized winters for what they are actually intended for. Thinking on this subject has made me realize that I've been doing the equivalent of trying to fit a cube block into a much smaller triangle-shaped hole, or something along those lines.

So what if I used the winter for what it was actually meant for? To purge, cleanse, regulate, reset, and recover. I don't think I'll go into a literal hibernation, but I wonder if there's value in embracing that this season better affords you to retreat and reflect. Like a farmer, having completed his autumn harvest, I'm becoming increasingly curious about tending more to my soil and preparing the fields for the upcoming spring.

I am noticing this pattern in everything in life. There's seasonality in even our relationships and careers. We move from one social circle to the next, one role to the other. Always progressing through time, growing and blossoming, and in other phases, decaying to be reborn. The old always dies and creates space for the new. Even our bodies illustrate this.

The point that I'm dancing around is that I think I've been fighting against nature for a bit too long. Resisting the patterns and creating more work for myself. Questioning why some relationships in my life were fizzling out, why I grew bored of certain identities at different and inconsistent timestamps, why I was changing so quickly in front of my own eyes even though I saw myself in the mirror every day. Trying to hold onto seasons that were obviously passing.

I'm going to spend this winter studying. I'm always learning that I have so much more to learn. I want to pick up sewing. Steven offered to teach me. I might start digital painting a bit. Case told me that I should just use my mouse and practice on paint for 100 hours. I'm also becoming extremely curious about urbanism and progress studies. Ben sent me a nice long list of resources to look into. I should probably sit down and actually learn how to code too. Mitul and Kelindi gave me a quick "Dummies Guide" on how to get started. I'm excited to learn. Hopefully I have something to report back on when spring comes around.

"Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished." — 老子