He casts his rod and sits by himself, waiting for service.

The tides tug and sway his little canoe designed specifically not just for one, but for himself.

He's acquainted himself with the rhythm of the water. He can tell the dry days apart from the wet ones.

Sometimes he catches salmon.

Other times he catches carp.

Always waiting patiently, always reeling the line.

He sets out every morning to play this game. Again, and again.

He's gotten creative with his tactics. He's figured out how to increase his time on the water by bringing a portable gas-stove on deck to enjoy his meals in distinction. He's worked out that the route north and south of the shoreline is about the same time as it takes for the sun to set.

The fisherman hasn't realized that he's gotten bored.

One morning he heads out and sits for a while. Nothing bites.

He hears nothing except the water and seagulls droning past.

If he listens any closer, he'll remember that he never set out to catch salmon or carp in the first place.

"Being is born from non-being."

Several passages synthesized from the 道德經 by 老子.



Chapter 1

The way that can be spoken is not the way. The name that can be given is not the name. What has no name is the origin of Heaven and Earth. What has a name is the mother of ten thousand things. Free from desire, you see the mystery. Caught in desire, you see only the surface. These two — the mystery and the surface — arise together but differ in name. Together they are called darkness. Darkness within darkness. The gate to all understanding.

Chapter 4

The way is empty, but use it and it is not exhausted. It is deep — the ancestor of all things. It blunts what is sharp. It unties what is tangled. It softens the glare. It settles the dust. It is hidden, but it is always present. I do not know whose child it is. It appears to have been here before God.

Chapter 6

The valley spirit does not die. It is called the mysterious feminine. The gateway of the mysterious feminine is called the root of Heaven and Earth. It is thin, as if it barely exists. Use it — it is never used up.

Chapter 11

Thirty spokes share one hub. It is the emptiness at the centre that makes the wheel work. Shape clay into a vessel. It is the space inside that makes the vessel useful. Cut doors and windows in a room. It is the openings that make the room livable. Benefit comes from what is there. Usefulness comes from what is not there.

Chapter 25

There was something formless and complete before Heaven and Earth were born. It is silent. It is vast. It stands alone and does not change. It moves everywhere and is not endangered. It may be the mother of all things. I do not know its name. I call it the way. Forced to give it a name, I call it great. Great means going. Going means far. Far means returning. The way is great. Heaven is great. Earth is great. The human being is also great. There are four great things in the universe, and the human being is one of them. The human being follows Earth. Earth follows Heaven. Heaven follows the way. The way follows its own nature.

Chapter 40

All things in the world are born from what is. What is, is born from what is not.

1. high respect; great esteem

2. adherence to what is right or to a conventional standard of conduct

I am indebted to many people who have really influenced my life for the better. From every small interaction, to those who I work with and see everyday. My life is richer simply because I am surrounded by others. I feel an immense sense of gratitude, but also responsibility to all of these people.

I've been thinking about the moments where I feel most proud of those I love. And it's usually when I see them learning. Progressing to the next state. Holding themselves accountable, trying hard to be a different, better, version of themselves. Trying.

And I thought, if I really care for these people, I ought to do the same for them.

I've come to learn that one of the greatest gifts you can offer to those who care about you is to flourish yourself.

Who am I to disrespect their efforts, after all they have done for me? Who am I to skip out on discipline and discomfort, when they are embracing it head on, right in front of me?

Do not live for fame, ego, wealth, gluttony, sex – do not even live for love or meaning.

None of these are destinations. And even if they were, they'd be better if the journey wasn't just about getting there.

Meaning seems to be a lagging indicator of what you choose to do with your finite time here.

Hold yourself with high respect, great esteem. Adhere to what you believe is right, to the standards that you set for yourself and the world.

The greatest gift we can give to the world is to simply hold ourselves to a higher standard.

An infinite range of colours exists, but human eyes can only distinguish up to 10 million.

Lately, I've been repeating this to myself:

"Every night, lay yourself to rest and leave that version of you behind. When you awake, acknowledge you've entered a new day.

With this new day, you are granted new opportunities.

Leave behind yesterday's assumptions and constraints.

Reinterpret, reimagine, and rebuild the world – and who you are, once more today.

Live today like it's a second chance at life."

With this human body and the finite time I have, I'm growing increasingly curious about what I'm capable of. I'm learning that this framing of "life as exploration" is a really fun way to live.

But this way of living requires honesty and discipline. It's much easier to say "I want to explore what I'm capable of" than to actually push the mind and body to their limits.



米



Something else I've been repeating to myself:

"I've got a long ways to go."

The more I learn, the more I realize how much I don't know – about myself, the world, or anything life has to offer.

I'm trying not to hold onto things too tightly anymore.

I'd be lying if I said I know what I truly want from this life. I have some general sense, some ideas I'm holding onto, but I really don't know anything.

What I do know is that I'll probably go to bed tonight. And if I wake up, I'm awaking into a new day.

We are not promised tomorrow.

The timelines we set are likely to be the timelines that become true.

If we do not imagine when something should be achieved, accomplished, acquired, then it becomes very likely that it might never happen.

If you want it, act like it. Be urgent about it. Create a plan. Define what it is. Get serious about it.

I think it's important to have some sense of this, because we can get caught up in the day to day. Even these days, when I feel so incredibly busy, getting carried away by the motions, I still need frequent check-ins. I still need more honesty. I still need to be way more effective, if I want to pursue the life that I want to pursue.

I need to challenge myself to think that maybe, just maybe, I am capable of becoming a new person today. And I need to challenge myself to think that everyday.

What is this new version of me capable of? What is this new version of me going to do better than the old version of me? How is the new version of me going to address the problems that the old version left behind?

I don't have much time here.

I want to be a good son, brother, friend, co-founder. I want to be braver. I want to love more. I want to climb and run more. I want to walk slower and have quiet mornings to myself. There's so much more that I want to do.

I don't think I'll be able to do any of these things if I don't live with a greater sense of urgency.

I feel the ceiling of my ability everyday. I feel every single wall that restricts my movement. Everyday I am pressing on these walls to see if they budge. Some days I am being forced into the wall by others. Some days I am punching my head through. I can sense that I am only at the beginning.

I feel that the more I learn, the more I realize there is to learn.

But this tunnel vision isn't sustainable. In fact, it can be detrimental and counter-productive to getting us to where we want to be. It's important that we lift our heads out of the water every now and then, and to catch a breath.

See how far we've come. Take stock of who lent a hand and helped us get here. Assess if there's anyone that we can bring along.

Recount all of the challenges and roadblocks we overcame. Recognize that there is still much of the journey left.

I think it is very important to be able to hold both truths at the same time; that we have a long ways to go – but we have also come a long way to get here.

I'm in love with everything. I can't help it. There's something really satisfying about how the branches are swaying, the chatter of people walking by, the birds chirping — how it all blends together. I really love being here.

I've been thinking a lot about the balancing act between having fun and having intense focus lately. I believe both are necessary ingredients for living well.

I want to live well.

I really love spending time with the people in my life. I get to have so much fun and laugh lots because of them. Through them, I have new lenses and ways of seeing the world and everything around me. I also get to be invested in their success and wellbeing, and nothing is more rewarding.

I'm very attracted to the idea of getting good at climbing right now. I'm not sure to what end, but I know that it's something that I want to pursue. I wonder how far I can go, and I'm curious about what it will take from me in order to go far.

I'm really grateful for everything I have, for where I live, and for my health. There are moments where I am reminded of how fragile and special these things are, and that I ought to try my best to savour them while I can.

I like painting this picture because I don't want to fall into the trap of forgetting how beautiful it is. I also hope that on the off-chance someone else sees this, it means something to them in a way that could only make sense to them.

I know I speak from a position of immense privilege and naivety, but I can't help but feel like I must do something despite it all. Sitting back because of inexperience just doesn't make sense to me.

Thank you for all of your hard work and kindness. I don't think anyone has it easy, and I believe everyone is in the process of figuring it out. It takes guts to persevere and to get up and try again and again. I really admire those who are taking a bet on themselves, and I especially appreciate those who leave behind the breadcrumbs of their labour to help others find their own way.

It's such a beautiful world and time we live in. I think we really do owe it to ourselves to try to live well.

We ought to.

I think when you allow yourself to kind of stand in the wind and get pushed and pulled in many different directions, you end up wasting a lot of time and energy.

Passive behaviour in a neutral direction is arguably more dangerous than active behaviour towards the wrong direction, because the stillness implies that there is no growth. There is a higher probability that growth occurs if you are able to move, gather data, process the data, and use that information to inform the next movement.

And so having conviction towards things (even if they aren't the "correct" things in hindsight) makes you not only agentic, but literally makes you an agent of action! Someone who goes out into the world and interacts with it, learns, and adapts.

I think this is the true essence of being human.

But despite this, a strong feeling compels me to communicate it and explore it anyways despite knowing I don't have the best articulation and that I've said the same thing over and over and over again.

I think I'll just spend the rest of my lifetime doing this, never knowing if I'll hit the mark or really get it all out, but I guess it's worth trying while I'm here.

I'm curious about being someone who is swallowed whole by the world around them. I wonder what kind of individual comes out of that process.

The idea of being lukewarm makes me more and more uncomfortable everyday.

I wonder what it's like to not know anything else.

If you let it cling too tightly, it will blind you from what tomorrow can bring.

If you carry it for too long, it will extinguish any possibility of you believing that you could be anything else today.

Don't waste any more time than you have to playing halfsies. You're either in or you're out.

Commit to an experiment. Outline the parameters, go test against a hypothesis, do it for whatever reason, do it out of love, do it out of spite – do it even if the reason is to just simply find out.

I write this to myself because I know that without the reminder, I will inevitably end up floating around without the necessary amount of conviction to do anything meaningful with myself.

I really do think we are capable of so much, and I think in order to prove that, I have to move fast. I have to move faster.

Condense the timelines. What you think will take you 1 year, entertain the idea that it could just take a day. What you think will take a day, entertain the idea that it could just take 5 minutes.

How fast can you go? Where is the ceiling? What is the true limit?

Limit test. Investigate what you are actually capable of. Find out how fast you can move.

Take your essence and everything that you are made of – your routines, what you consume, who you surround yourself with, what you do for work, what you do for leisure, the thoughts you have when you are truly by yourself – place it all under a microscope, take a real close and honest look, and really ask yourself,

"Is this it?"

Somehow, I always find a way to surprise myself.

When I graduated, she had heard that I moved to Toronto to live on my own for the first time. At this time, she was beginning to have difficulties walking and picked up the cane. She commuted roughly 2 hours from Mississauga on her own to get to my new apartment downtown that was hardly furnished, with an even emptier fridge to match. With her, she brought a variety of pre-cooked Vietnamese dishes, a styrofoam box of rice, and a bag of tangerines with her.

We sat and ate tangerines together that day as the sun set.

My broken Vietnamese always made her laugh. But for some reason, I always felt like she understood what I meant anyways.

I wasn't the greatest grandson. I hadn't been able to visit or talk to her much in the last few years because of whatever reasons and excuses that I made up for myself.

I was able to see her recently, but with my new haircut, she couldn't recognize me.

I wonder if she ever felt how much I appreciated every time she made me instant noodles in rebellion. I wonder if she knew that when she visited me in Toronto to bring in my new home, I felt more at home than ever. I wonder if she ever felt sad that I didn't visit or call.

I'm sorry bà ngoại. I love you. Rest well.

1. Wash the beef bone or beef meat.
2. Take the big pot and add cold water to the pot. Then put the beef bone in or beef meat into the pot make sure the water cover the bone or meat.
3. Turn it on high heat let it boiling add 1 teaspoon of salt into it. Wait until it very boiling and all the black bubles are coming up take the black bubles out (throw it) and add cold water into it. Continue doing that until no more black bubles.
4. Turn down the heat to medium heat add cold water into the pot and ginger and whole onion and 1 bag of Phở Spice.
5. Let it cook for a 2 hours and add chicken broth and MSG and 3 soupe spoon of sugar (rock sugar).
6. Continue cook until you taste all the flavour.
7. Cut onion and green onion on the side for toping.
8. Take the noodles and put it into a big bowl and add cold water or warm water into it leave it until it soak.
9. Good luck and enjoy your Phở.

Mom

Separation is the space between things. We often rush to move past it. But separation is also where many things live.

Give things space to breathe, allow yourself time to process, respect distance, don't rush to fill in gaps. They have something to teach us.

I want to understand my purpose and how I can contribute to the world. I believe that I can achieve that by completing a large volume of work and then by continuously analyzing said work.

"Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished." — 老子

"A lighthouse is a tower, building, or other type of physical structure designed to emit light from a system of lamps and lenses) and to serve as a beacon for navigational aid for maritime pilots at sea or on inland waterways."

I have found this framing really helpful, as my existing relationship with anxiety up until recently has been that anxiety is something to work myself out of. Anxiety was a problem to solve. To diminish and reduce.

Instead, I am now trying to view anxiety as a lighthouse. I am letting it guide me towards lands that I am unfamiliar with. It's a signal to something that is blurry. I'm not always sure what the lands will have to offer, but at the very least, there is a beacon to travel towards. Questions to be answered, more of the map to be uncovered.

A feeling is a signal, and how we act based on that signal is what matters.

School is a game, work is a game, building a family is a game. We are surrounded by an infinite supply of games to play (choices to make with regards to what we want to apply our limited time and energy towards).

The essence of this analogy is to illuminate that there are different games for different people. In the same way that one might enjoy playing Starcraft, another another may enjoy playing Stardew Valley more. Someone might generally enjoy real time strategy games, and others may enjoy competitive shooters. Everyone is entitled to what they fancy.

I have this core belief that it doesn't actually matter what game you choose to play, but it is important to pick a game (or a few) and at the very least, try to play them well.

I would like to thank the people who have shown me kindness and have made me feel seen. This thanks goes towards those of you who have extended an invitation to me and have welcomed me into your day-to-day, hosted me in your homes, cooked meals for me in my own home, driven me around foreign cities, stayed up late to chat, sang at karaoke bars, and have ultimately included me in your lives.

It is one thing to come across love in the wild, and another to feel entirely engrossed and surrounded by it. There are countless people who have made me feel this way and these same people have lifted me up, talked me out of my patterns of self-doubt, helped me see myself and my own life differently (for the better), and left an indelible mark on my entire being as a result.

I would like to thank the people who have served as incredible role models and have inspired me to push the envelope and evolve. This thanks goes towards those of you who have taken bets on me, left me with things you’ve learned, helped me realize that the ceiling is much higher than I had previously set it, encouraged me to try new things and see the world from an even greater range of perspectives that I had never truly explored, connected underlying ideas and reoccurring patterns for me, and for suggesting that the life I’ve dreamt of living does not need to be a dream.

I would like to thank the people who have come into my home to play music with me until I received noise complaints, lent me books and pinpointed my reading preferences, collaborated with me on Arena boards, written songs for me overusing words such as “iced americano”, dropped me off at my apartment despite it being nearly an hour away from your own home in the opposite direction, texted late at night to make sure that I made it home safely, brewed homemade ginger lemon tea for me when I was feeling sick, started running with me before the crack of dawn and in snowstorms, climbed with me to entertain my love and rather unhealthy obsession for the sport, lent me your acoustic guitar so that I could practice more, answered my calls way past your bedtime, met up with me to have pizza and talk in what felt like a -20 degree celsius night for 3 hours, herded me around from destination to destination without ever asking me for repayment, hosted show and tells in my own apartment, and so much more.

I would like to thank the people who have taught me more than I could ever ask to have learned, allowing me to see the world for more than I had previously seen it, inspiring me through your own level of taste and skill, discussing for hours on end as to what it takes to develop and be part of a scene, allowed me to believe that I am not just a cog in the machine, pushed me to take on new roles and opportunities, extensively supported my ideas and initiatives, cautioned me to take better care of myself, mapped out parallels between my personal experiences to existing literature and established ideas, participated in the various range of pockets in which I can express myself, placed your faith in me, sent me kind messages reminding me of what I mean to others, incited challenges such as “75 Hard” and helped me discover the power of friendly competition, taken me under your wing and have given me a glimpse of what’s possible when you really want something in addition to having the resilience to acquire it, gone the distance and have come back to teach me about it, and so much more.

This piece isn’t meant to be exhaustive, but it’s an attempt at expressing thanks and appreciation towards the people in my life for the kindness and strength that they've shown me. Writing this made me realize that there will never truly be a proper way to thank any of these people for how profound of an impact they've had on my life. I've landed on the idea that my life will be this continuous stream of exchanges-in-kind and I can only strive to have the strength to repay all that comes my way.

Thank you for everything.

I’ve come to the conclusion that the work I love tends to energize me more than it drains me. I've also recognized that I can much more easily lose myself (and my sense of time) in the work I love. I’ve found that the work I love tends to impact something much larger than myself.

I've realized that this work often involves finding a role in which I can apply my unique skill set and interests towards problems that go beyond my tiny little world and the limited range at which I can see things. There’s a difference in the individual whose mission is to solely fend and survive by themselves, versus the individual whose mission is to help feed the village.

I've found that the people I come to love have always pushed me past the current perceived ceiling that I had set for myself. I've also learned that I may sometimes not immediately identify this as love or I may not even realize that I love them, but it truly is a certain subset of people in my life that have reinforced my sense of identity, provided me deep and meaningful connection, and have nourished an innate desire to feel as though I belong, wherever I find myself.

This sense of identity, connection, safety, and feeling as though we belong is an incredible propellant towards one’s growth. I believe it is the people you love that give you the guidance required to push past what you only believe you are capable of when you cannot find it within yourself to do so. A community of people who believe in one another is conducive to producing something much larger than themselves.

And so I would like to live my life by this principle, of doing work that I love, with people that I love.